My dark side got the best of me again this week. I call it that because I have no idea what it is that causes me to feel so insecure. If my day starts and I’m already sad with no known reason, it’s a fight to get out of that funk all day long. During the time of all this chaos in my head, it’s a reaction for me to add more negative overthinking thoughts, regularly arguing with myself. I create outrageous scenarios in my head and believe them to be true to the core. Even if I know it to be untrue, not even I can change my mind. I’ve worked so hard to change this pattern in me, but this week it has won. It’s too powerful it leaves me feeling so helpless against my head, my hell, it’s hard to tell anymore, I’ve lost track. Its a mess up there. I’m sorry. Incredibly sorry for not only those who have to deal with me like this, but I’m sorry for me as well. I know this isn’t good for me mentally. I know it’s scarring. Why can’t I snap out of it? Why can’t I keep focused? I know who I want to be. Some days it’s just not enough, and I don’t know why.
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